Motherhood is an incredible journey, filled with love, joy, and unforgettable moments. But amidst the nappies, school runs, meal planning, and endless to-do lists, many mums find themselves asking, "Who am I beyond being a mum?" It's easy to lose sight of your identity when so much of your time and energy is devoted to others. However, reclaiming your sense of self is not only possible but essential for your well-being.
Why do mums lose their sense of identity?
When you become a mum, your priorities naturally shift. Your children’s needs often take centre stage, and your own interests, passions, and ambitions may take a backseat. Many mums feel guilty for taking time for themselves, believing that putting their needs first is selfish. However, neglecting your identity outside of motherhood can lead to feelings of emptiness, frustration, and even resentment.
How to reconnect with yourself
Rediscovering your identity doesn’t mean you love your children any less - it means you recognise that you are a whole person outside of being a mum. Here are some steps to help you reconnect with yourself:
Reflect on who you were before motherhood
Think back to the things that made you feel alive before becoming a mum. Did you love painting, reading, running, or travelling? Were you passionate about your career or a particular cause? Reconnecting with past interests can help reignite your sense of self.
Explore new interests
You’ve grown and changed through motherhood, and that means you might have new interests waiting to be discovered. Try out a new hobby, take a class, or learn a new skill - anything that excites you and makes you feel more like you.
Make time for yourself
This might feel impossible with a busy schedule, but even small moments count. Set aside time to do something for yourself, whether it’s reading a book, exercising, meeting a friend for coffee, or enjoying a quiet moment alone. Prioritising yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your mental and emotional health.
Reconnect with your support system
Friendships and relationships can sometimes take a hit when you're deep in the trenches of motherhood. Reach out to friends, your partner, or family members. Surrounding yourself with people who support and uplift you can help you feel like more than just ‘mum’.
Set personal goals
Setting goals outside of motherhood can help you regain a sense of purpose. Whether it’s running a 5K, going back to work, starting a side business, or even just reading a book a month, having something to work towards can be empowering.
Challenge the guilt
Many mums struggle with guilt when taking time for themselves. Remind yourself that looking after your own wellbeing makes you a better parent. When you feel fulfilled and happy, you have more to give to your family.
You are more than ‘mum’
Being a mother is a huge and important part of who you are, but it’s not the only part. You deserve to nurture your own dreams, interests, and identity. By taking small steps towards rediscovering yourself, you’ll not only feel more fulfilled, but you’ll also show your children the importance of self-care and personal growth.
If you’re struggling to reconnect with yourself and need support, counselling can help you explore your identity, work through guilt, and find balance. Remember, you are worthy of happiness - both as a mum and as the incredible person you’ve always been.
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