The impact of perfectionism: learning to let go

Have you ever stayed up late making sure the school costumes were just right, even though you were utterly exhausted? Or spent hours worrying that your child’s lunchbox wasn’t balanced enough, or that your home didn’t look ‘Instagram-perfect’ before guests arrived?

If so, you’re not alone. I see many mums who strive to do everything just right - to be the perfect parent, partner, friend, or employee. But chasing perfection is exhausting. And the truth is, perfectionism isn’t helping us - it's holding us back.

What is perfectionism, really?

Perfectionism isn’t about doing your best. It’s the constant feeling that nothing you do is ever quite good enough. It’s setting impossibly high standards for yourself and then feeling like a failure when you don’t meet them.

You might notice it creeping in as:

• Guilt when you take time for yourself

• Anxiety over small mistakes

• Comparing yourself to other mums online

• Feeling like you must ‘do it all’ without asking for help

At first glance, perfectionism can seem like a strength - it pushes us to achieve and care deeply. But over time, it chips away at our mental health, fuels burnout, and robs us of joy in the everyday moments.

The hidden costs

For mums especially, perfectionism can come at a heavy price:

• Emotional burnout: The pressure to constantly perform can leave us feeling drained, overwhelmed, and on edge.

• Strained relationships: When we're constantly measuring ourselves against impossible standards, we can become irritable or disconnected from those around us.

• Low self-worth: If nothing feels good enough, it becomes hard to feel good about ourselves.

• Impact on our children: Kids learn by example. When they see us constantly criticising ourselves or stressing about being perfect, they may begin to do the same.

Letting go, not giving up

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering your standards or not caring - it means recognising that good enough is truly good enough. It’s about giving yourself permission to be human, to make mistakes, and to rest.

Here are a few gentle reminders to help you loosen perfectionism’s grip:

1. Notice the voice

Start by paying attention to your inner critic. Is it kind? Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself? Challenge that voice when it becomes too harsh.

2. Redefine success

Success isn’t about a spotless home or packed calendar. It’s in the cuddle on the sofa, the laughter at dinner, the bedtime story - even if everything else feels like chaos.

3. Set realistic expectations

You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Ask yourself: What matters most right now? Sometimes, that might be a quiet cuppa rather than an immaculate kitchen.

4. Celebrate the small wins

Notice and appreciate the little victories - getting everyone out the door in one piece, making time for a walk, saying no to something you didn’t have the capacity for.

5. Let others in

Perfectionism thrives in silence. Talk to other mums, share your struggles, ask for help. You’re not weak for needing support – it shows strength.

You’re doing better than you think

Being a mum is hard enough without the added pressure of being perfect. The house won’t always be tidy, the kids won’t always be happy, and you won’t always feel on top of things - and that’s ok.

What your children really need is you: your love, your presence, and your authenticity. Not a perfect mum (whatever that means!), but a real one.

So, here’s your permission to breathe, to rest, and to let go of the myth that you must do it all flawlessly. You’re already doing something extraordinary - raising little humans while trying to care for yourself in the process.

And that, lovely mum, is more than enough.

If perfectionism is leaving you feeling overwhelmed or stuck, you're not alone - and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself. I offer supportive, non-judgemental counselling for mums who are ready to start letting go of the pressure and reconnecting with themselves.