Intrusive thoughts in the perinatal period: why they happen and why they don’t mean you’re a bad mum
Updated: Sep 11
“What if I drop my baby?”
“What if I accidentally hurt them?”
“Why did that awful image just pop into my head?”
If you’ve experienced thoughts like these during pregnancy or after your baby was born, you’re not alone.
Many parents are terrified to admit they’ve had intrusive thoughts because they’re frightened someone will think they’re dangerous, or that their baby could be taken away. The shame can be overwhelming.
The truth is that intrusive thoughts are one of the most common – and misunderstood – experiences during the perinatal period.
What are intrusive thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, distressing thoughts, images or urges that seem to appear out of nowhere. They are usually completely opposite to what you want or believe.
For new parents, they often involve accidental or intentional harm coming to the baby, such as imagining dropping them down the stairs, seeing disturbing images of them being injured, or suddenly wondering, “What if I did something to hurt them?”
These thoughts can feel incredibly vivid and upsetting. But having a thought is not the same as wanting to act on it.
In fact, the reason these thoughts feel so distressing is because they go against everything you stand for as a parent.
How common are intrusive thoughts?
Far more common than many people realise.
Recent research involving 763 women found that unwanted intrusive thoughts about accidental harm to a baby were experienced by the vast majority of participants during the postpartum period. Thoughts involving intentional harm were also reported by more than half of the women in the study (Collardeau et al., 2024).
Earlier research has similarly found that intrusive thoughts about harm to a baby are a common experience during the postpartum period (Brok et al., 2017).
Many parents never talk about these thoughts because they worry they will be judged. This silence can make it easy to believe that you’re the only person experiencing them.
Why do intrusive thoughts happen?
Although they can feel frightening, intrusive thoughts are thought to be linked to our brain’s threat detection system.
When you become a parent, your brain becomes highly attuned to keeping your baby safe. It constantly scans for possible dangers. Sometimes that protective system becomes overactive, throwing frightening “what if…” scenarios into your mind.
Several factors can make intrusive thoughts more likely, including:
Hormonal changes
Sleep deprivation
Anxiety
A traumatic birth
Previous anxiety or OCD
The enormous responsibility of caring for a tiny, vulnerable baby
In many ways, intrusive thoughts are a sign that your brain is trying—rather clumsily—to protect what matters most to you.
The question almost every mum asks…
“What if having these thoughts means I’ll act on them?”
This is one of the biggest fears parents have.
The evidence is incredibly reassuring.
The research is reassuring, however. A review of research into infant-related intrusive thoughts found that experiencing isolated intrusive thoughts of harm was not associated with an increased risk of harming a baby (Brok et al., 2017).
What can help?
If intrusive thoughts are causing you distress, there are effective ways to manage them.
1. Remember that thoughts are just thoughts
Our minds generate thousands of thoughts every day. Not all of them are meaningful or true.
You don’t have to believe every thought your brain produces.
2. Try not to fight the thoughts
The more we try to suppress intrusive thoughts, the more persistent they often become.
Instead of arguing with them, notice them, acknowledge them, and allow them to pass without giving them extra attention.
3. Reduce reassurance seeking
It’s natural to want constant reassurance that you’re a good parent.
However, repeatedly checking, asking others for reassurance, or avoiding situations can unintentionally keep the cycle going.
4. Prioritise rest and support
Sleep deprivation, stress and overwhelm can all make intrusive thoughts feel louder.
Accepting help, resting where possible and looking after your own wellbeing really does matter.
5. Talk to someone
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Speaking with a therapist who understands perinatal mental health can help you understand what’s happening, reduce the fear surrounding the thoughts and learn strategies to stop them taking over your life.
When might it be helpful to seek further support?
Intrusive thoughts can be common in pregnancy and after having a baby, but if they are causing you significant distress, taking up a lot of your time, or leading you to avoid certain situations, repeatedly check things or seek reassurance, it may be helpful to speak to a health professional, such as your GP.
For some people, intrusive thoughts can be associated with anxiety or perinatal OCD. Having intrusive thoughts does not mean that you have OCD, but you deserve support if your thoughts are affecting your wellbeing or everyday life.
Further information: Royal College of Psychiatrists – Perinatal OCD
You’re not a bad mum
One of the cruellest things about intrusive thoughts is that they target what you care about most.
They don’t mean you’re dangerous.
They don’t mean you secretly want to harm your baby.
They don’t define you as a parent.
If anything, the distress they cause often reflects just how deeply you love your child.
If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts during pregnancy or after birth, know that you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate them by yourself. With the right support, they can become much less frightening and much more manageable.
References and further information
Brok, E.C. et al. (2017). Infant-Related Intrusive Thoughts of Harm in the Postpartum Period: A Critical Review. The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 78(8), e913–e923.
Collardeau, F. et al. (2024). Prevalence and Course of Unwanted, Intrusive Thoughts of Infant-Related Harm. The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 85(3).
Royal College of Psychiatrists. Perinatal OCD.
Nicky Kantura is a BACP registered Maternal Mental Health Counsellor based in St Albans, Hertfordshire, offering counselling in person and online across the UK. She specialises in supporting women through pregnancy, birth and motherhood, including birth trauma, miscarriage and matrescence.
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